I went to my son's first basketball game, and let me just say that my son is absolutely amazing. I don't know if he is a child prodigy or anything because I don't know too much about basketball. But I will say that in the eyes of his mother, he is a pure star. He does a great job at making shots. He actually reminds me of myself back when I was a kid.
I never played basketball on a team or anything. The only time I played was when my cousin and I used to play some boys in the neighborhood when we were kids. Like my son, I also had a nice shot. I was really good at three point shots. I probably would have done really well if I had tried to learn how to play basketball, properly. Although, I was athletic, I also loved to dance and perform. My grandmother always had us in some type of performance arts programs growing up during the Summer. So I chose to focus on cheerleading in high school. Why wouldn't I?! It was the perfect sport where I can be both athletic and artistic at once. Although, I did get into softballl during my upperclassmen years of high school, and I absolutely loved it. I actually wished I would have gotten into softball at a younger age.
I was told that my father was an all-star and all-state player in Virginia when he was young. He had scholarships to play ball at some very good colleges. But for other reasons, that didn't happen.
I remember as kid, wishing that me and my father could have had a closer relationship. I remember thinking about how maybe basketball could have been something that we bonded over together. He was a star player, and who knows, maybe I would have been a star player if the proper time and energy was given to me. And most importantly, it would have been a great activity and tradition that me and him would have shared with each other that we would always have with time. Just like how my mom and I share roller skating, me and my father would have been basketball....
I tell you this not out of sympathy. The indisputable reality about the parent-child interaction is that we all have had trauma or unpleasant experiences as children or when navigating as parents. It is critical to remember that, while certain traumas may be more or less severe than others, no one soul on this planet outweighs the other. Thus, we should focus on the healing that results from the trauma rather than the trauma itself. To break generational curses, we must take our unpleasant experiences and do everything we can to ensure that future generations do not have the same negative experiences. This does not mean that your child will never experience any trauma. That would be unrealistic to assume. But, as a parent, your goal is to prepare your children to be better than you. "Take my successes and mistakes, learn from them, and do more than what I could do."
Parenting, especially as a black parent, sometimes involves overcoming inherited traumas and curses. However, this is an uncertain task that can make or break our motivation as parents. How can we interrupt the cycle of generational damage? Even so, the reaction is so unclear that most people have no idea where to begin. Trust me, I've drove myself insane at times trying to devise a strategy for resetting hundreds of years of suffering in my own family. So, how should we handle this task?
Well, I feel that, while there is no single way to accomplish this, there are still foundations that may be laid. The foundation's specifics vary each household and family, as each family is unique, and we all possess beauty and strength in our own right. One of the concepts that make the foundation are traditions. Families should join together to build and honor traditions, and NOT only the American-made ones that do not reflect our true culture, customs, and history. Traditions offer our family strength and customs. This is how authentic culture is developed. This is how legacy is created...
As I saw my son play basketball on the court, I thought to myself, "Maybe if my father had been more involved in my life, basketball would have become a part of our tradition."Perhaps if my father had a different support structure, he would have been able to attend the league. Or consider becoming a coach. At the very least, he would have been free to pursue a passion of his. And that love would have been passed down to me, and on to my son. But hey, life isn't about being a victim. It is about generating opportunities and experiences that will shift the narrative.
It was at that moment that I decided that basketball would become our thing. My son and I.
I would make basketball our tradition. I can tell that my son enjoys the sport. And as I said, he's surprisingly has a nice shot. And I did too. It'll become a hobby that if nothing else, we enjoy together. Perhaps he makes it to the league, perhaps he an all-star high school player, just like his grandfather. I just know one thing, I'm ready to start creating traditions within my family. And if nothing else, this will act as the catalyst to making that happen.
I love you Buddha.
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